#i am so tired of being tired
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The Simblr urge to write More Story but only having the energy for No Story. 😭😭😭
#ramblings#maybe if i ever get my work life balance sorted out#maybe when i am between jobs after the layoff#maybe maybe maybe#i am so tired of being tired#i just want some quality time with my blorbos dammit
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I wake up. I fall back asleep. I wake up. I fall back asleep. WHEN WILL IT END
#the spasms caused such intense pain last night#and my leg feels like someone shoved it through a deep bruising clothes wringer style contraption today#and has limited safe range of movement compared to normal#and I need to do work#and I need to take care of this body#and I need to do things for pleasure#and I need to find out if my grandma is actively dying today#and I need to—#STOP MAKING ME FALL ASLEEP. PLEASE.#I am so tired of being tired#I was JUST almost in a place where I didn’t feel overwhelmingly behind#and I was feeling like I was starting to approach competent#please I am begging#don’t make me backslide#shh katie
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kind of wanting to write something about all the chronic issues im dealing with right now, but i don't even know where to start.
#cheshire rambles#might come back to this later but.#i am tired of living every day like its gonna make or break whether i can walk tomorrow#sure i can help in the yard but ill be down for most of the day if i do#sure i can run some errands. let me grab a cane and half a dozen braces#just so i can stand by the time we're done#yeah im left-handed but i cant lift my arm above my shoulder without it Burning#i am so tired of being tired
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well, you see, the thing is: (instead of finishing my sentence i curl up comfortably in bed and go to sleep
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Shout out to everyone who is just so tired So so exhausted So very very tired so very fatigued so sleepy and tired So
#I am literally so mentally exhausted lately I feel like my brain is swelling#I feel dazed and cloudy and yet I must keep going despite being the most tired bitch in the universe
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You don't wish your disability was worse or more visible, you wish your disability was taken seriously. Please stop confusing the two, I guarantee you would not get the support you need JUST by being more severe or more visible. Please listen to visibly disabled people when we tell you it isn't better on our side
#m/cc#mine#I tried extremely hard to word this nicely because I KNOW people don't mean bad and often even know there are unique challenges#and believe me I know the challenges of invisible disability too!!#I have invisible disabilities!#but as someone who has also been at least visibly 'off' since they were 10 I am SO SICK of invisible disabilities being hailed as like#a unique extra oppression that us lucky visibly disabled people don't have to deal with#there are challenges to invisible disabilities that visibly disabled people DON'T have to deal with!#but you need to understand that *the reverse is also true*#there are MASSIVE benefits to being able to lie about your disability for example#or not dealing with the overt ableism that comes with your disability being obvious to everyone#*I do not have the option to pretend I'm not disabled.* that is never an option I have#I walk weirdly. I use a mobility aid now. my speech and face are 'off.' I lean to one side#for a long time I wore sunglasses 24/7 and often didn't make sense. I sometimes can't speak or won't react to others#for the most part people will always know that at the very least something is wrong with me#and more obviously I have people telling me they'll pray for me; telling me I can't do things I'm already in the process of doing;#wanting to shake my hand to tell me I'm an inspiration for not killing myself; giving me dirty looks for existing in public#and yes. I'm aware that this is very much an in-community issue. I know the average abled person doesn't know invisible disabilities exist#that's why there's so much awareness happening for it#but as a visibly disabled person I get SO TIRED of constantly hearing 'I wish my disability was visible :'('#it's just 'I wish I had your disability!' but from other disabled people
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REPLICA PLAYLIST
MUSIC UNDER CUT
I have been receiving requests for any songs that inspired Replica, so here, have my personal playlist. Sorry it’s not Spotify/Soundcloud but they don’t have some of these songs available so uh… guess you’re stuck with YouTube vids. For fun I'll include my personal titles for them (which might give a few hints of what to expect in the future/end).
Replica Main Theme - “Die for You” by Grabbitz Like Father Like Son Like Brother (Omega and Shelldon) - "As Above So Below" by Alistair Lindsay Mikey's Theme / The 1st Vision - "Suzume no Tojimari" by Nanoka Hara Military (Mad) Dogs / Central Park Colony - "Imperium" by Madeon Shanghai - "Icarus" by Madeon Boom Goes the Donnie-mite (Mikey/Donnie vs the Sweeper) - "The Red Zone" by Mitsuoto Suzuki The Day the Sky Bled Red - "7 Seconds Till the End" by Nobuo Uematsu Going Out Like a Boss (Raph and Leo) - "Agape" by Nicholas Britell Remembering the Right Way (Mikey and Leo) - "The Souls of Many" - by Alistair Lindsay Mystic Hands / The 2nd Vision - "Am I Dreaming" by Metro Boomin x A$AP Book 2 Trailer - "Sea Dragon" by Covet 7 Years Later - "Iron" by Woodkid Leo's Theme / Attack on the Labor Camp - "Ego Death" by Polyphia Omega's Theme - "Touch" by Daft Punk Flat Lines (Omega Alone) - "Die Toteninsel Emptiness" by 1000 Eyes Spear - "Monsters" by Tommee Profitt Final Protocol - "The Kraken" by Katie Dey Rise / Epilogue - "Close in the Distance" by Masayoshi Soken & Tom Mills
I will admit, it's a little embarrassing since you can easily see the patterns of what I've been listening to for the past year or two. I swear I listen to more than just videogame OSTs, these songs just jive well with the story and I often find lyrics distracting when brainstorming scenes. Regardless, the music I listen to is such an important part of my creative process and some of these songs really defined the scenes I now have locked in my head. So I figured it was only fair to give them the credit they're due.
I will continue to add to this playlist, and will note in comic updates when one of these songs is applicable!
#lofi Donnie anyone?#also sort of celebration for 19k followers wow#should I do something else for it?#I particularly like Leo's theme being titled Ego Death#very fitting#Also the final song makes me cry because the lyrics are just too dang perfect#I'd like to do an animatic with the song when this story is all done#check out the lyrics if you get the chance#in fact I'd like to do an animatic trailer for the Book 2 Teaser#we'll see though#i can't allow myself to get too distracted from the comic itself haha#replica#rottmnt replica#kathaynesart#playlist#music#spoilers? but like... you know how it ends in the movie so not really?#kind of?#did you see the rise movie?#then you’ve been spoiled sorry#posting again at an ungodly hour#I am tired#save rottmnt#rottmnt#TMNT#Donatello#casey jones
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Just had a friend show me a conversation in a fan discord about Suvi as a Black American woman in the context of the fallout from the election. And honestly? Yeah. The blueprint is simple: Black women are expected to put their own priorities and emotions on hold to show up for everyone else's battles and hold endless space for everyone's feelings while simultaneously weathering attacks on our character (oh she's so angry/aggressive/violent/rude) and authority (she's a woke hire/affirmative action quota/nepobaby) without complaint. We're expected to save the day under nigh-impossible circumstance, and with fewer resources and support that is AT BEST, conditional.
So yeah, relistening to Suvi's speech in The Witness hurts now. Because that's exactly the feeling I'm wrestling with, and what I see mirrored in the Black women around me. We are exhausted and angry and sad. Those voter percentages are a betrayal of "we" that was promised by other marginalized groups when speaking of the interconnectedness of our liberation. And the unexamined expectation that we immediately rise from the depths of our despair to prepare for the next fight is a cruelty. Suvi isn't real, but if this helps lend empathy toward actual Black women in the world, then I'm glad.
#worlds beyond number#the wizard the witch and the wild one#there's a reason I spent so much time scrapping with fans misremembering plot#always with the aim of painting Suvi as 'the bad/mean one' universally responsible for any party friction#i've clocked dozens upon dozens of threads maligning her and nitpicking every choice she makes#and holding her alone to a ridiculous standard of behavior#while rooting for her to experience enough pain/loss to bend her to their preferred trajectory#and dismissing her emotions as Citadel programming unworthy of consideration#it's just more fucking misogynoir at the end of the day#i saw a post calling her an abuser for not being *nice* enough to Ame when she arrived at the conclave#and all i can think is 'why do you need her to mask her VALID emotions for others' sakes?'#and then i remember she's a black woman#and i get really tired for her (and me)#don't worry#i'll return to funky lil shitposts and art reblogs soon
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Actually, the bars aren't so bad anymore.
Think you can fix him? Read about his care instructions over at Tiger Tiger)
#Tiger Tiger#ludovica bonnaire#rakkatak ann#I thought I liked him (in a way he has a great design and is an effective antagonist) and *then* he licked the spit.#Now I need to create a lab to study him in. My god. He gives me hives. I need to see more of him NOW.#Something is wrong with him and it fascinates me.#He is everything I like in an antagonist. A little bit stupid and unintentionally funny while being a genuine threat.#I call him rat man they way I want to see him skitter around on the floor.#Call him rat man the way he might need a little cheerio snack and some enrichment.#I am so...so tired and I am struggling to keep the jokes train going.#Please continue to read Tiger Tiger! Every new reader fuels my energy gauge.#Sorry I've been missing so many days of posting. I'll try to make up with some extra posts this week!
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I need you all to know that every time my posts (especially my art) get a like or reblog i weep real tears of joy and it makes me feel so validated
i wish i could kiss you all on the head i hope everyone who has ever interacted with me sees this and knows i love you all
~someone who has never had much of an internet presence
#<3#also have my sleep study tonight/tomorrow#please wish me luck#i am so tired of being tired#if i get treated you will all be stuck with me#foreverrrr.....#(I am trying to revive my yt channel (for music)#and start a twitch with my friend)
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cursed kids v2 ⚠️👹
i've been a jjk first years stan since day one and have been wanting to redraw the first art i did featuring the three of them
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#itadori yuuji#fushiguro megumi#kugisaki nobara#yuuji#megumi#nobara#fanart#jjk fanart#im so tired help but theyre DONE im sososoosos pleased with them#even yuuji who dug his heels in to th very end :'>>>#wow 2020 rly was 4 years ago huh#to my credit i still think the designs i came up with in th og r honestly really good???#obv i didn't do a fullbody redraw (n thank god fr that) so i couldn't include All my details and there were some things that i edited#but overall they r solid !!!! i rly regret tht i couldn't include nobara's fishnets dgfhs#gave her her bat instead . equivalent exchange :)#she has one in the original but i specifically remember being bummed that the pose didnt let me show the nails that were in it#so took Full advantage of the new pose here !! she has killed before and will kill again#other changes....yuuji's omamori earring n sword details r New! as is the decision to include his canon scars :> fits the vibe#megumi changed the least?? changed the tassels n colour of his shoulder kanji to match yuuji and gave him a cigarette to fill empty space#other than that i think th majority of his changes r just me getting better at drawing megu#god the edited poses make these designs sing im so happy i did this#these r my kids !!!!! they have grown with me!!!!!#i am very proud and also sleep deprived and i need to not look at these anymore
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"Nora doesn't know anything about the things she writes about" "aftg is terrible queer rep" "the queer characters in aftg are so problematic"
Idk guys maybe the book series abt problematic ppl set in 2006 and written in the mid 2010s shouldn't be expected to hold up against scrutiny of what we consider to be moral and correct now, in 2024
Idk tho, idk
#“nicky is a terrible person” bitch he not supposed to be some kind of perfect angel is he????#sry to burst ur bubble but gay men are actually capable of being horrible people just as much as straight men#“death of the author” how abt death of you#instigated by me#nora sakavic#aftg#all for the game#aftg hot takes#nicky hemmick#andrew minyard#kevin day#neil josten#nora knew exactly what she was doing and i will die on this hill#i am so so sick and tired of peoe acting like shes some sort of incompetent idiot who barely scraped together a plot#you do not have to stay in the fandom if you don't actually like the media#you can leave i promise#we dont really want you here
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I don’t know if this is worth a post on here. We post anyways maybe (?)
#homestuck#homestuck fanart#hs fanart#dirk strider#blooby posting#Been playing disco Elysium#That is about all. I drank 4 litres of Pepsi today#Insane#and I still wanted more… but I burned my tongue yesterday#because I was too eager to eat fish. Now everything tastes like burn#Sigh.#Copied from being John Malkovich by the way#one of my favorites#movie wise. Always reminded me of him yadda yadda. I am tired#Hitting the hay now. But my room is so warm… I have no air con. I know no peace in this world
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hey. hey you.
look at that character you’re headcanoning as a trans man.
are you headcanoning him that way because you think it’s interesting, or because he’s a twink and acts kind of feminine?
if you write about him, do you treat him the same way you do your other characters, or is he distinctly separated?
can he handle himself, or is he always the damsel in distress? do you have someone bigger and stronger than him always save him?
do you make him act more childish or confused? is he super innocent and needs someone wiser to guide him?
are you willing to explore what his transness means, or do you just think it makes him hotter?
did you make him trans because you wanted to write him as the bottom? is he trans because you wanted him pregnant without "technically" writing mpreg?
are you willing to headcanon big strong men as trans men? old men? not stereotypically attractive men? men of color? fat men? disabled men?
is his transness a part of him or do you just treat it is a prop?
on the other hand, is he more than just his transness, or is that all there is to him?
do you include other queer and trans people in your work? how do you treat them in your writing?
how do you treat actual trans men? trans men who dont pass? trans men who do? who dont feel comfortable being perceived as feminine? who present in a more feminine way? who identify as more than just a man? who arent just white twinkish silly feminine men? who are kids, meaning you can’t just sexualize them? who are more than just props to be used within a story to push the plot along?
are you willing to listen to trans men who speak out on their issues, or does that seperate them too far from the fantasy you’ve concocted about them?
how do you treat trans men?
#i am actually so tired of seeing people headcanon characters as transmasc just because they’re white twinks#its okay to headcanon those types of characters as transmasc#but its also important (i think) to examine why you specifically associate that with being transmasc#and how it may affect how you treat transmascs in your day to day life#transandrophobia#anti transmasculinity#trans#trans man#trans ftm#transmasc#transmaculine#lgbtq+#lgbtq#lgbtqia#lgbtqiia+
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anyone else have multiple traumatic memories associated specifically with holidays/family vacations? because that is a topic I never see discussed in all the So You Had A Shitty Childhood, Now What? self-help books i've been reading. but for me, it was a significant thing. and the more i think about it the more it seems like this would be an (unfortunately) common experience. would be grateful to hear if this matches other peoples' experiences...
#not a shitpost#serious post#ask to tag#tw trauma#cptsd#c-ptsd#and if so we should TALK about it#because it means there are a whole group of survivors out there whose mental health regularly worsens during holidays#like i know i am most certainly not the only person who feels an undefined Dread hanging over christmas/my birthday/july 4 etc#bc too many shitty things happened during those times and now my brain is hypervigilant bc traditionally these are the Danger Times#and this seems like it would be particularly common for survivors of abusive/dysfunctional households (aka most people with c-ptsd)#because holidays/vacations typically mean 1) the whole family is together/being forced to interact#2) and undergoing external stressors e.g. travel/relatives aka 'outsiders' visiting/routines & coping mechanisms being interrupted etc#3) there is social pressure for this to be a Fun Family Bonding Experience which only highlights the cracks in the foundation#and exposes the common Everything Is Fine/We Are A Happy Family lie#4) the cognitive dissonance of feeling tired/anxious/stressed/afraid during a time when you are 'supposed' to be Making Good Memories#and then everyone is angry/tired/anxious/triggered and things boil over and something or someone goes Very Wrong#weird that i'm posting this in october when halloween is...sort of the ONLY holiday i have only good and happy feelings towards#i got lucky there#also i have positive feelings towards Labor Day but that's for socialist reasons
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Go easy on me, I'm suicidal and anything can be the end of me
#tw depressing thoughts#depressing shit#sorry for being depressing#su1c1d4l#su1c1dal#tw depressing stuff#i am so tired#im going to kms#sad thoughts
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